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george and nina are sitting, eating, george gesticulating, laughing. nina raises her hands level with the floor shoulder high and presses down on the air, making a strange pressurized lowing sound, repeats it, repeats it. the camera swoops and loops around, catching faces, eyes, eating. daisy (who fought a tumor and went to pitzer), steven aloof and bored in the back, jennifer lopez is sharing ear buds with some guy i don’t recognize. bryant rolls his eyes, omar smiles (off to princeton in the fall). i stand in the center of the room, vaguely my voice in snatches as the camera flits through the students, catches vartui (of course i was talking to srbui and angela) and vartui spins away, unwilling to speak to the camera, which settles on miriam, who reluctantly allows a grin and says hello—pial and nina at the food table, commenting as they select items for their plates, and through it all, i am the headless faceless adult droning once in awhile in the background

rick called (drunk), called me to drive out to vegas, i didn’t wanna tell him i was editing my identity, i was revising my shoe laces, i was reading the lentils, i was driving my memories, i was narrating the street light, because i was busy editing my identity, i revised my shoe laces, i was reading the lentils, driving memories, i was narrating the street/light

August 2010