i always went beyond where he was willing to go.
for some time i had gone beyond him. as an alcoholic, he was kind of a static person.
alcoholics get stuck in some reduced corner of themselves.
he and i had a dialogue where it appeared as if he might join the rest of us, and catch up. a dialogue “as if” he was about to begin a new life—which he often talked about.
but really, he never would. and now he’s gone.
the dialogue goes on without him, since he was really never there.
i’m not there either. others go on talking.