Our lighter than air business continues to expand prodigiously; here are thousands of tiny model airplanes we have invented in order to test our major air theories. “Rolling digits will indicate suffering and grace,” said Office Manager Gloria Florida.
We look back on our early inventions with amusement. “I can be partly amused, if I am asked,” said Office Manager Gloria Florida.
We looked at plans discarded over the years and wondered how we ever thought that they could work. “How did you guys ever expect those to get off the ground?” said Chief Engineer Sergio Tamayo.
We hired the best experts available in the field. We sent them soaring to new heights. We insisted on safety, and we insisted on a flavorful lunch, and our team rose to the challenge. “Let’s go!” said Gloria Florida, newly appointed to the position as Test Pilot (seen here with Test Co-pilot, Michaela Mix.)
New facilities were built in the high desert to accommodate our research and development impulses. “It is a bit too windy for me,” said Elaine Kodata, who took the first bus to L.A.
“Better get ready,” we told Gloria and Michaela. “Time to fly!”
The test pilots put on their test pilot suits, in case of any contingency. “In case of any contingencies, we have these suits,” said Michaela.
Power sources were located and allocated from their origins in the desert. “People got the power,” sang Sergio.
It’s true that some facilities were far from completion by the start date. “People have the POW-er!” sang Sergio.
Some operations took place under cover of darkness, to avoid the prying eyes of competitors and downtrodden smirks of detractors. “I wasn’t smirking, I swear!” said Bert Bird.
By day, operations appeared innocent enough. “Luckily I never suffered from hay fever or spontaneous combustion,” Gloria said.
Test pilots conducted a barrage of important and crucial correlations involving wind direction, climate change, surge protection and Kraken reconnaissance. Though no Kraken were located, Gloria said, “at least we know where we stand in the San Gabriels and San Bernardino mountains.”
High velocity wind sheer and drop capability brake induction tests were carefully calibrated for the future comfort and safety of ELADATL customers of the future. “Bring it on,” said Michaela, “we are on it.”
“Just think of it,” Gloria reported over the radio on an early test, “a chicken and wine picnic over Pasadena… Passengers drinking merlot with a hint of blackberry and walnut, tossing bones over the side… somebody’s chihuahua taking a leap of faith…”
They could see children getting out of school, cops ticketing cars, suburbs stretching to the horizon; it was a veritable vision of the entire civilization. “This is what it’s all about,” Michaela reported over the radio. “What?” Gloria asked.
Early test flights proved rapid successes in all areas of gas deployment, directional focus and altitude shifting. Mutations in airship models rapidly went faster. “SPF50 next time,” Gloria said after one flight.
Sergio Tamayo, Sergio Rocha, and Bert Bird assiduously tested wind tunnel models for the slightest imperfections 24/7. Sergio Rocha gave up smoking just to facilitate working under those conditions. “It’s nothing,” he insisted.
We engaged in complex maneuvers over El Sereno and Lincoln Heights at all hours of the night, engaging in things Google Earth cannot even dream of. We got photos of ball lightning striking County General Hospital and enjoyed warm updrafts off the San Gabriel Mountains. “To think this is the future,” one of the Sergios said.
Gloria and Michaela expertly docked the Colima at our newly constructed El Sereno station, proving several of our routes ready for regular passenger business. “I’m glad to see they still have the docking facilities atop General Hospital,” Gloria said, “I like their cafeteria food.”
At mass meetings where we hired our workers, S. Wheelnuts conducted eye exams to make sure that all flight personnel had perfect 20/20 vision as strictly demanded by FCC codes. “You there, yes you, what is the letter on the next row?” he said.
ELADATL hired only the best posoleros as flight crew; men had to be just at home in the kitchen as in the air, in the clouds as well as in mid-air. “In an emergency, they need to be able to cook up the whole lunch from scratch—green OR red,” Tina Lerma, Chief of Operations said.
ELADATL commercials informing the public of new services and new routes appeared regularly in movie theaters, sports bars, local dives, and on billboards along graffiti-strewn light rail tracks of the Gold Line. Customers and commuters, passengers and disorderly old people flocked to ride the airships because of their cheapness, quiet, convenience and excellent pozole. “It’s all good,” some skater kid named Ward said.
The two Sergios led teams of crews working night and day to construct as many airships as possible, sometimes in improvised hangars in abandoned aircraft facilities out in Burbank or wherever they could be found. “Send a taco truck out or something,” Sergio T. said, “you said somebody would come.”
We received international recognition and awards from consumer advocates worldwide, at times before even our local customers were aware that our new lines were up and running. “I didn’t even know you guys went to the Middle East,” one interested Greek Armenian customer remarked.
Jose Lopez-Feliu and Swirling Wheelnuts conducted public forums informing the public of the advantages of lighter than air travel, explaining the sustainable practices ELADATL maintains in the air. “We’re developing vegetal prototypes of dirigibles that can be grown in glass hangars,” he told a recent audience at UCLA.
ELADATL is proud to have received a Small to Nonexistent Business Award from future First Latino President Bionic Villaraigosa, in lieu of $100,000, which was preferred. “That’s all right, eh!” Swirling said.
Happy travelers embarked and disembarked by the dozens every hour or two at the new Zucchini Station on Main Street at the Los Angeles River. “Boy, it’s hot up there,” one guy said hurrying off into the city.
Round the clock operations with direct routes throughout the Southland bring safe, clean, quiet, affordable, brilliant, clean, nice, cool, radio-friendly, pet-safe, non-chemical, solar-powered, red or green, airy and gaseous transport to you. Even at 2 AM or 4 AM, jump aboard! Got someplace to go? “I do!” says Katy Jurado.
Fresh chicken, night or day!
New Routes in development daily! Check the website for more information or call 1-800-DIRGIBL
Thanks to our inspiring board of Advisory Consultants—