Which Western Tree is your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz?

TAKE TH QUIZ TO FIND OUT

1. You got empanada roto in one hand, and in the other you got what?

a. You got to reconsider about Mia Farrow versus Woody Allen sex abuse first
b. You got to argue about Eric Garcetti using anti-graffiti crews to wipe Villaraigosa’s smirk off of Los Angeles first
c. You got to go back to the Sonny & Cher Bono Nostalgia Cruise Lines first
d. You got to clean the the windshield so you can drive out to the Desert Drive-in to watch the Philip Seymour Hoffman Marathon Filmfest first
e. You got to pick your scab and eat it weeping because the shadow of the famous man has almost touched yours

2. Driving by Chalio’s turns out there is a line, what’s a mother to do?

a. We feed the kids pure In N Out burgers, it goes in, it goes out
b. We play the wang dang doodle all night long, all night long
c. We go to the Farmer’s Market to purchase Chinese greens that cannot be seen with the naked eye
d. We go to the Farmer’s Market to purchase blood oranges to throw at children
e. They don’t have the best all meat Korean barbecue, but we park at the corner

3. 10,000 forgotten people were murdered in Los Angeles from 1982 to 2001, but that’s nothing compared to Iraq, how about some kale chips?

a. You prefer if they are going to call Echo Park Silverlake the Eastside, that the Kogi Korean Taco truck drives down Wilshire on fire.
b. You prefer if they are going to discuss somebody from SNL you never heard of, of how many black women comedians are there in America, that they do it screaming.
c. You prefer American Apparel billboards constructed like a border fence across the Westside.
d. You prefer Tommy’s at 1 AM, the woman in the passenger seat opens the door puking a bit of wine, so to go get her some napkins from the dispenser you must give a couple dollars to the one-armed woman with the melted face.
e. You prefer not to hear dull and fuzzy words like Chicano because those are old.

4. Which actor’s roles do you most identify with, Heath Ledger or Philip Seymour Hoffman or Amy Winehouse?

a. He was arguably the finest actor of his generation, or any generation, and did you hear when he sang the song that you liked that one time?
b. You heard that doctors had this real expensive one-time operation that could bring someone back and they didn’t even try it with him because they hate Obama.
c. You heard that doctors had this real expensive one-time operation that could bring someone back and they didn’t even try it with him because they like Obama.
d. You heard that he sex-abused children when he was a Catholic priest but Archbishop Maloney retired about it and then he retreated.
e. You heard that it was because he was a Catholic or maybe an Australian or a New Guinea.

4. (or 5)—Then again, isn’t there children, eyes of children, narratives about cats, all of which seem to be objectifications of feelings for vehicles full of plants and plant material?

a. I predick in 2015 the Seattle Seahawks will face off against the Denver Broncos for a most indissoluable receiver.
b. I predick if you go into the nearest storefront psychic to see what you can get for ten dollars, she will tell you to change your own motor oil.
c. I predick one, two, three, when I snap my fingers, nobody will remember the L.A. riots.
d. I predick that for the price of what you spend at the Starbucks, you could get your nails done with variegated tonal shifts highlighting foregrounded polka sparkles like the Universal Pictures logo 1946.
e. I predick that there’s always so many interruptions of what we would really like to do with our life then the sticks bend down, the branches bend low.

TABULATE YOUR ANSWERS
then, accordly, your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is:

a. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “A” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is INCENSE CEDAR Lebocredus decurrens

a. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “A” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is INCENSE CEDAR Lebocredus decurrens

a. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “A” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is INCENSE CEDAR Lebocredus decurrens

b. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “B” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is FREMONt COTTONWOOD Populus Fremontii

b. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “B” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is FREMONt COTTONWOOD Populus Fremontii

b. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “B” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is FREMONt COTTONWOOD Populus Fremontii

c. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “C” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is ARROYO WILLOW Salix Lasiolepis

c. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “C” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is ARROYO WILLOW Salix Lasiolepis

c. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “C” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is ARROYO WILLOW Salix Lasiolepis

d. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “d” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is DOUGLAS FIR Pseudotsuga taxifolia

d. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “d” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is DOUGLAS FIR Pseudotsuga taxifolia

d. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “d” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is DOUGLAS FIR Pseudotsuga taxifolia

e. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “f” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is Spanish Broom Spartium Junceum

e. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “f” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is Spanish Broom Spartium Junceum

e. IF MOST OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE “f” THEN your true inner Secret Celestial Soul Fizz is Spanish Broom Spartium Junceum

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